Wish

I wish you would make up your mind. Do you love me or do you not? Am I worth holding onto or not? Can I be good enough for you? While I'm here, I'm working as fast as I can. Working my fingers to death. Throwing my brain into overdrive. Trying to improve in a lot of ways. Working on things that was destroying me and my marriage...on MY part. But did you ever think that this dance takes two? The only things I EVER commanded from you...for me to be your wife was love, affection, honesty, loyalty, and respect. That's all I EVER wanted from you. All the promises you made me, all the vows you swore, all the sweet whispers you told me...were they all a lie? Are you even wanting me back? All the complaining you did about how some of your former girlfriends did you, do you not see you were and are doing them to me? Have you even tried to improve 'your' mistakes? And you told me when I finally poured my heart out to you about what it really was holding me back, you stated that those things were in the past. Well you said all this flirting you were doing with these girls, was because girls never really paid attention to you when you were fat. Well darling, THAT too is in the PAST. So that could go both ways. I never lied to you. Even now all you ask me, I'm honest with you. I've always been willing to except every little thing about you...your strength, your weakness, your perfections, & your faults. But I will not except you flirting with other girls. That is very disrespectful. I NEVER DID THAT TO YOU! And I even told you I didn't mind 'play' flirting with friends of mine. Cause why? Because I know them. And I know they wouldn't do that. And plus it wouldn't be BEHIND MY BACK.....AND WITH GIRLS I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW! You complain a lot of what some of your exs did and how your baby momma did you. But you were and are doing the same. You are looking for the perfect woman, when you fail to see there is a woman ready to crash, burn, & die for you and that would stand beside you through anything. I know a lot of women, believe me...that's more rare than you could ever imagine. Most girls, even some you think are nice...I know for a fact has cheated and lied to their husband/boyfriend. And 96% of women...aren't very excepting of anything that goes against what they want. I wanted fairness, I wanted total and complete honesty, I wanted friendship, I wanted true love, I wanted the until death, I wanted you. I was there for you...the ups, the downs, and there for you when you were in total despair. Where are you now when I need you?

I wish I was the moon tonight.