"Hurry baby and turn the knob, you don't know you got me until I'm gone, shut my eyes and count to 10,...stupid boy have you ever really looked at me" -TPR

"If he loves you, and you're dead and gone, kissy kissy I'm a killer kitty, I'll play along,...he's not ever going to let you go..."

"Crimson and clover, sugar and salt, bitter sweet, and it's all your fault,....we are mentally fucked and it's all your fault" -void & null(The Pretty Reckless)

"...I miss everything, ...like a bottle of painnnnnnn...and I don't know what I done to meeeeee" - Miss Nothing (The Pretty Reckless)

"And as I watched you disappear into the ground, one mistake was that I never let you down, so I waste my time, and I burn my mind, I miss nothing"-Miss Nothing

"I be not your slave, miss guided, I minded, I'm missing the train, and I don't know where I been,.... and I don't know what I've done to me" - Miss Nothing.

"corrupt" by depeche mode .... All I'm saying. :) tehe.

Man you got my sex drive up up UP!!!! :P

Color me happpppyyyy. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Emotionally...I've been with you sooo long. Sorry for not seeing the light sooner.

Listening to 'monster' by lady gaga and thinking about someone. :)

You and me could write a bad romance. I want your everything...as long as it's free. I want your love. Love love love. :)

I can now say and it be totally true. I'm ok with this. I'm happy. It is confusing at times. But I'm ok. :)

Starting to fall hard and fast with no control of my own. I forgot what it was like to be treated with love and respect. Rawrrrr!!! :)

There is only so much of hurt you can take from someone, then when you find someone that really loves you, everything seems brighter. :)

You make me smile more than you know. And I really need that right now. :)

If I knew the road would of ended with you hurting me. I never would of gotten into the car.

You really love to point blame. But what will you be doing in oh say 10-20 years???

"These boots are made for walking and that is what they will do. One of these days these boots are going to walk all over you."

Maybe if you had more faith...I would have been stronger. I deserve more than this. I know now. You are nothing but in heat...and yet you call it love.

Don't say you care and then act totally against it. Learn to walk the way you talk.

Ever feel like you are in a losing battle?

How can I give up on someone I care about?

So many mixed feeling about all of this. I'm a glass case of emotions.

I have always been good as my word. In the end I think that is what is going to kill me. I don't make vows lightly. I don't love easy, but when I do I love hard

You. I still love you. I want to scream so bad and cry my eyes out and can't feel anymore sometimes when I think of what you have done. But I still am yours.

Passed, nothing but love remaining..I still see you. Old and gray beside me. If I was to die tomorrow, I would still want every minute up until that being with

Anything for you. I want us to work on this so much. Cause when I still look to the future to when I'm old and gray, looks have faded, family and friends

How can I focus on things I need and have to do. When all I think about is you? You have hurt me so much. And yet I still want you, love you, willing to do

True friends, you will know, because they never will and never have given up on you.

Never take those that truly care about you for granted. You won't have them forever. Limited time only.

When it comes down to it. You have to except that you will die in the end, and yes we all die alone. There is no defeating death in the long run.

Finding your way back is rough. The longer your gone, the harder it is to fight back. People can be there for you all they want. But you work through it alone.

All that running makes you cold and dead. It strips away everything that you was, until eventually you lose your ownself to the deepest waters of the dark.

It is best to stand and fight all those things you hate about your life, you, and your past. Instead of running for years and years.

If I was to be honest with myself. I would say all of this I'm doing is half for me and half for you. But I'm really liking myself. Correction: Loving myself.

I finally get all your depression and self hate. If I was you, I would hate myself too.

You were right. You are selfish. Very! Good luck with that. :)

Getting a hard on doesn't count for personal growth.

You don't know how good you had it.

You wouldn't know what respect or loyal was if it bit you in your ass. You call my family trash. Just what do you think you are?????

You are not hurting me anymore. Quit frankly my dear, I don't give a shit.

Didn't let the grass grow did you.

You date a skank, all you are going to get is heartache. I know from many experiences.

Once a liar will always be a liar.

Extremely giggly and no idea why. Hehehehehe. Covered in many happys! :)

I had a really good day today blog. I forgot what it could be like to be loved for my company...oh and let us not forget my booty I bring or my boobs. :) haha.

Covered in many happys. :)

I'm standing across from you 
And dreaming of the things I do 
I don't speak, you don't know me at all 

For fear of what you might do 
I say nothing but stare at you 
And I'm dreaming 
I'm trippin' over you 

Truth be told 
My problems solved 
You mean the world to be but you'll never know 
You could be cruel to me 
While we're risking the way that I see you 
That I see you [3x]
That I see 

Conversations 
Not me at all 
I'm hesitating 
Only to fall 
And I'm waiting, I'm hating everyone 

Could it be you fell for me? 
And any possible similarity 
If its all, how would I know? 
You never knew me at all but I see you 
But I see you [4x]

I'm standing across from you (But I see you) 
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do (But I see you) 
I'm standing across from you (But I see you) 
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do (But I see you) 

Truth be told, my problem solved 
You mean the world to me 
But you'll never know 
You could be cruel to me 
While we're risking the way that I see you 
But I see you [4x]

I'm standing across from you (But I see you) 
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do (But I see you) 
[4x]

But I see you 
But I see you 
But I see you

In the process of evolving...I AM NOT STANDING STILL! Let death come in the end, because I will know 'I' have lived.

Play your childish games, run your teenager plays, just don't cry when you lose the race. I've been thinking and planning. I'm walking now instead of crawling.

You will never truly know this, because unlike you I never give up on people I care about.

I'm smarter than you think I am. I'm stronger and I know I am. I'm more a beautiful soul, because I live it so.

It all can be a bit too much right now. But I will gladly throw myself in the fire pit. Sometimes you have to learn to fight back...and rather quickly.

You will never know I guess. Or it's just you don't care.......

Ever have that feeling were you are completely worthless to some people? Yeah! Totally understand.

And the knife cuts deeper.

Wish

I wish you would make up your mind. Do you love me or do you not? Am I worth holding onto or not? Can I be good enough for you? While I'm here, I'm working as fast as I can. Working my fingers to death. Throwing my brain into overdrive. Trying to improve in a lot of ways. Working on things that was destroying me and my marriage...on MY part. But did you ever think that this dance takes two? The only things I EVER commanded from you...for me to be your wife was love, affection, honesty, loyalty, and respect. That's all I EVER wanted from you. All the promises you made me, all the vows you swore, all the sweet whispers you told me...were they all a lie? Are you even wanting me back? All the complaining you did about how some of your former girlfriends did you, do you not see you were and are doing them to me? Have you even tried to improve 'your' mistakes? And you told me when I finally poured my heart out to you about what it really was holding me back, you stated that those things were in the past. Well you said all this flirting you were doing with these girls, was because girls never really paid attention to you when you were fat. Well darling, THAT too is in the PAST. So that could go both ways. I never lied to you. Even now all you ask me, I'm honest with you. I've always been willing to except every little thing about you...your strength, your weakness, your perfections, & your faults. But I will not except you flirting with other girls. That is very disrespectful. I NEVER DID THAT TO YOU! And I even told you I didn't mind 'play' flirting with friends of mine. Cause why? Because I know them. And I know they wouldn't do that. And plus it wouldn't be BEHIND MY BACK.....AND WITH GIRLS I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW! You complain a lot of what some of your exs did and how your baby momma did you. But you were and are doing the same. You are looking for the perfect woman, when you fail to see there is a woman ready to crash, burn, & die for you and that would stand beside you through anything. I know a lot of women, believe me...that's more rare than you could ever imagine. Most girls, even some you think are nice...I know for a fact has cheated and lied to their husband/boyfriend. And 96% of women...aren't very excepting of anything that goes against what they want. I wanted fairness, I wanted total and complete honesty, I wanted friendship, I wanted true love, I wanted the until death, I wanted you. I was there for you...the ups, the downs, and there for you when you were in total despair. Where are you now when I need you?

I wish I was the moon tonight.

Whole mouth, jaw, and throat is swollen and sore. Thank God for really strong pain killers. Those pain killers are heaven sent!

Just down all around. Goodnight world. Maybe I won't dream of him tonight. But a big part wants me to. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Maybe I should stop trying. You would rather spend your time with someone that only loves you half as much. What did I do to deserve this?!?! God? Lol. Whatever

Seems like no matter what I do. No matter how hard I fight. I will never be good enough for you. To you I'm worthless. And that is what kills me.

"Oh God I miss you. I really miss you."

Got a weird and 'UNWANTED' call from an ex today. Now my day totally blows chunks! Doucebag! You must really think I'm a complete idiot! Well...I'M NOT!

Got to talk to him a great deal today. I'm suddenly really happy go lucky.

I'm going to prove everyone that downed me in my life wrong. Family, friends, lovers, and enemies...all wrong! I can do this and I know it.

Scared of that coming too. I'm just scared right now...about everything. And everything of my oldself is telling me to run. And I'm not going to do it!

So scared of tomorrow and Wednesday coming. Went by the adult education center. Got things set up to test me as fast as they can. Which is Dec 12-14 or 13th.

I miss being his wife. I miss being his. :*(

Missing someone........